The hidden me..!

I have been thinking of writing the blog since past 3 weeks but for me it's a tough job.Beleive me it took me a lot of thinking before i could arrive at writing down something.Something that will discover my inner self, my feelings, my imaginations.But then there is always a fear.A fear of unfolding yourself, a fear of what others might think of you after reading this blog, a fear of knowing your inside self.
I am sitting in the office right now with not too much of work.That gives me the bandwith required to complete this blog.But i don't know why am i taking so much of time to write.May be because i am not getting where to start with..or may be because it's tough to write your feelings on a piece of paper.Whatever it may be but i have decided to write, write whatever comes in my mind at this point of time.May be the next time i can write a lot better.
I gave it a thought many times so as to who am i? what i am heading for? what are the things that make me happy? There happen to be some moments when i am forced by my inner self to get an answer for all such questions emanating within my own self and i always end up thinking deeper and deeper but couldn't satisfy my own self. Am i just a daedal combination of the tiny cells, a skeleton and what we call human brain or am i something beyond all these. Am i the same to the outside world what i am from inside or is it the outside world that characterises me the way people want to see me. Whatever it is but one thing is sure, your surroundings have a strong impact on how you behave and act. It can, at times, force you to behave you never wanted to be while at others it can create the best out of you. This transition from your true self to your other self is often smooth and unnoticed.
We often run after things which can make us happy. But then the biggest question to me is what are the things that can make me happy? Can anyone be ever happy and contented with the state he/she is? There is a straight no to this question. We always want something which we know that we are never going to get.But then i am forced to think why is it so.? Becaz whatever human mind can think and beleive, he can acheive it. I am perhaps contradicting my own self but that is how i feel at times. Happiness to me is an arbitrary concept. It has more to do with the state of the mind than anything else. If i feel that i am successful then i am, irrespective what others have to say about me. We are always surrounded by people, people of all the kind, people who will appreciate your efforts and be happy along with you in every spheres of your life, then there will be some who will try to pull you down, make you feel miserable and turn every cornner to deter you from finding your true inner self, peace and happiness. And at those times you start measuring your happiness by the amount of money and wealth you have. I want to stay away, keep myself out of all this. I am happy with whatever i have. Your reflection in the society is often what people want you to see as, and we are not characterised by our true selves.
We become conscious about whatever we do and have slightest of the indication that we are trying to be something else than what we are. Keeping one's own real self without getting effected by the forces around you is the measure of how strong you are from inside. It takes a lot of will power and immense strength to drift away easily without getting affected and i want to be that kind of a sailor in my life. I am trying to discover myself each day, may be someday..!